Madam Tara’s Cut-Price Brothel - (A bonk has never been so cheap.... )

 (For some very strange reason, which is now unfathomable to me, I wrote this to put on my very first website 25/08/1996)

Our girlies are CHEAP but there are reasons... We don’t have any Pamela Andersons or Madonnas.

 We have Doreen from the laundrette and Sandra from Spud-U-Like.

They do their best, even though Doreen can’t wear stilettos as they interfere, something chronic, with her bunions and corns and Sandra has to have the light off as she thinks the punters will laugh at her knobbly knees. 

Sharon, who works in Kwiksave, during the day, does like hitting people though so she’s good for the masochists.

We only charge by the minute, as we understand that that is all the majority of men need, and our blow-up beds are of the finest quality.

Doreen makes a neat bacon butty for those that like a post-bonk refill and, of course, Sandra can always provide a jacket potato with a choice of tasty topping.

We don’t offer a money-back guarantee as, on the whole, we would always be making refunds and we don’t just curl up and lay down anyway...